It needs to be shared

When you get better, everything in your life will get better. Nothing improves until you do.
– Larry Winget

 

The following is a part of my personal story. Recent in fact, from a few days ago.
I feel like it needs to be shared.

It is okay to ask for help. To reach out because you are worth it. I have been reminded of this.

I need to get better this time. I am continuing on that path as I have been for 8+ years.
However, this time things need to be improved. They must get better.
So that I can be the best person I can be.

. . .

I arrived 2 August’s ago and met you in September. I knew your name and what you taught. 
I would see you almost everyday in passing. 
I didn’t really meet you until mid November though, when I actually talked to you. When I began to work with your class.
It was then that I realized you would become a good friend to me. 
But this would come too late, early December. 
You left early for Christmas and I was going back to Regina at the end of that month. 

When I actually did talk to you, I found out you were different than people said you were.
You cared. You wore your heart on your sleeve. You’ve had to be so, so strong; and you still are, perhaps stronger even. 
I confided in you and you told me you would be there for me. 
That’s something so easily said, “I’ll be there for you”. 
I often wonder if we truly mean it when we tell someone this..

When we said goodbye, we didn’t really say  goodbye. 
You said we’d stay in touch..
You made me promise to call you if I was ever in a rough spot, if I needed someone to talk to. 
No matter what time it was, or whether you were in Yorkton or if you were in California. 
You gave me all your numbers, I still have them today. 
But the best thing you did was make me make that promise to you. 
There were times I thought of calling you, but I didn’t. 
I don’t think you realized how important I valued what you offered me, nor did I ever think I would have to call you..

. . . .

Time went on. 
We texted each other for a few months after I came back to Regina. 
That was good. 
But then life went on and I felt like we drifted apart. 
I felt like I should have things together by now; that I no longer needed your support. 
I realize now how silly those thoughts were..

. . . .

It was early August again, a year later. 
You called and said, “Why don’t you come back to Yorkton? There might be a job for you here.”
I sent in the forms and a resume and I was put on the substitute teacher’s list 
It was a start.
I came back for you, but I also in part came for me … but I came because I was running again; I was still running.  
I watched you have to be even stronger than ever.
I respected you so much more. 
Things got better for you – thank heavens. 

You would text me the odd time and ask me tech questions – I was your tech person. 
And then it stopped.. 
I felt like that was all I was good for; helping with tech problems.
The dynamics of our relationship/friendship changed; or maybe it didn’t but to me it felt like it did. 
I became angry and frustrated. 
I gave up and thought what was the point. 
You were busy with your own life and family and that was fine. 

. . . 

I got to a bad point. 
I didn’t see the point anymore.
I thought it would be easier to end my story. 
I didn’t think anyone would care or would notice. 
I had already lost the people I thought were important to me. 
There was nothing really keeping me here since people stopped being a part of my life, or I had simply pushed them out. 

That morning I did something stupid. 
I did it, and I realized what I had done.
It cause me to feel scared, to panic and to worry.
I didn’t image it would be this way.  
Ultimately I didn’t want to feel this way…

I realized that it was in fact not time for my story to end. Not just yet. 
But I was gonna wait to see what would happen. 
After some time, I picked up my phone and texted you. 
I said, “I’ve done something stupid. I made a mistake. Help me.” 
I didn’t know if you were at work or if you would answer but you did. 
You messaged me and then you called me, and then you came and got me . 
We went to the hospital. You stayed for a bit, then you went to work. 
You came and picked me up. 

We talked. 
You told me you want to help me. 
You told me that this time, counselors and doctors need to make things better this time for good. 
That yes, the 4th time needs to be the charm. 
You said you won’t give up on me this time. 

I got your attention. That’s what a part of me needed. 
I never wanted you to worry or to feel scared for me, although I realize I did that.
And for that I am truly sorry.
You’re here for me, and you never left me. 
You’re so glad that I kept my promise to you. When the doctors where there and you were with me, you told them about that promise.

. . . .

I am and will forever be grateful to you.
Beyond words, there is no way I can express to you how blessed I am to know you. 
So we’ve started a plan. You’re on my case about it, which is good. I need that. 
I want this to be the time things get better. It has to this time. 
I can’t do it without you.
I know you’re still here, that you never left me, nor that you ever will.

I am truly honoured that you are my friend.
I’m glad I called you.

promise me

I’m still keeping that promise to you …

 

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