Too Busy for A Friend . . .

One more of those emails that you’ve probably seen before and so have I, but it bears repeating.

Too Busy for A Friend . . .

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in their papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday, she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. ‘Really?’ she heard whispered. ‘I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!’ and, ‘I didn’t know others liked me so much,’ were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one, those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as a pallbearer came up to her. ‘Were you Mark’s math teacher?’ he asked. She nodded: ‘yes.’ Then he said, ‘Mark talked about you a lot.’ After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. ‘We want to show you something’ his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. ‘They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it’ he said.

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him. ‘Thank you so much for doing that,’ Mark’s mother said. ‘As you can see, Mark treasured it.’

All of Mark’s former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, ‘I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.’ Chuck’s wife said, ‘Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.’ ‘I have mine too,’ Marilyn said. ‘It’s in my diary.’ Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. ‘I carry this with me at all times,’ Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: ‘I think we all saved our lists.’

That’s when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all of his friends who would never see him again. The destiny of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day and we don’t know when that day will be.

I did a similar task with my students during internship in our health class in a unit relating to developing a strong personal identity and a positive self-image. The kids were excited and surprised to hear what their classmates thought about them, especially those they didn’t normally spend time with. In EPS last year, our class wrote messages to one another before we all went our separate ways for internship. I still have some of those notes. I hope one day my students will look back and remember that their classmates saw good in them. I know I will remember what my classmates said.


One thought on “Too Busy for A Friend . . .

  1. There’s something so powerful in the positive things that people say to us…I heard somewhere that for every negative thing that is said about us, we need to hear 7 positive things in order for the negative effect to be cancelled out.We’d better hurry and start speaking positively then! It’s sad to think about how infrequently we express our appreciation for each other, often waiting until the person is no longer alive or around to hear what we have to say about them….We should start treasuring the time we have with our family, friends and students and make a conscious effort to build people up with our words and actions.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s